twelfthsong | ᴀɴɴᴇxᴇᴅ — ɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ

[ Clara puts the bird aside immediately and stands up, bridging the gap between them. ]

Now I know you were lying, what's happening?

[Before he cant get another word of reassurance past his lips he's crying out again as another jolt - stronger and longer this time - courses through his body. He's on his hands and knees, clutching the nape of his neck.

Perhaps he shouldn't have been so complacent about tethering - but how would he have known that it would tie him this intrinsically to Obi-Wan when despite their similarities? His eyes jolt to Clara's face. This, this is why he didn't want to tether with her.]

[ She's never heard him like this or seen him like this before aside from his regeneration and it feels like ice water floods her veins. Clara goes to her knees with him and she meets his gaze, swallowing heavily. It doesn't dissuade her; if someone's ever hurting the Doctor then she wants to know but that's never going to happen, and this isn't the time to say anything. ]

Can you cut yourself off from him? Temporarily somehow, can you? [ Like closing a door in his mind or something stupid she's heard on tv or read in a book. ]

[All he can do is give a firm shake of his head. He hears Clara but he doesn't really hear her. His senses are flooded with flashes of where Obi-Wan is and he's trying in his own way to send comforting thoughts to his tether partner: this is temporary. It'll be over soon.

Finally he manages to gasp as the electricity in his body subsides. His chest heaves from a pain that may or may not be there.]

No. I don't know.

[ Clara is holding onto one of his arms but what she wants is to wrap him up and be some sort of comfort even if she can't stop it. ]

I'm here with you then, Doctor. I'm right here. [ As much as he'll allow her, she tries to get him into a more comfortable position rather than on his hands and knees. ]

[In his haze of confusion there's two clear thoughts that ring true: Obi-Wan was going to pull through whatever this was or god help him, and two, that he didn't want Clara to see him like this. It's not that he doesn't ever want to be seen suffering (although that would be preferable). It's just that this scenario has more to do with Clara specifically seeing him like this.

His mind and body are saying two different things though as his fingers grasp onto her sleeve, his gaze flickering in and out of pain.]

[ He hates being vulnerable, she knows this. But for now, she gets herself down into a sitting position so that she can hold his head in her lap, her eyes filling with teas as she holds onto him, pressing her fingers through his hair.

The Doctor is in pain and she can't do anything about it. And Ben, somewhere out there suffering too. She more than likely won't have the chance to hold him like this ever again, so she does everything she can to take care of him now. ]

I have you. I'm not letting go.

[ Clara closes her eyes and begs whatever that it'll be over soon, her fingers still raking through his hair, trying to soothe him any way she can. ]

[The pain isn't sustained or long enough to cause him to pass out and he's aware that she's there through it all which either makes it better or worse. He isn't sure. Regardless his hand clutches her arm like it's a lifeline tethering him to his flat turned workshop.

Thoughts flit past his mind: should he tell Sassy? No. She's a ten year old and that would only serve to concern her and Obi-Wan probably wouldn't like that. In fact, he wouldn't like it if he told anyone. But if he wasn't able to get out, if he wasn't able to escape, then what choice did the Doctor have but to either tell someone or go find him himself? Being chipped

Somewhere in his pain he manages to murmur a half-lucid -]

I'm sorry. [And then his voice peters out into an unintelligible, 'please don't leave'.]

Hey, you're alright. I'd never let anything happen to you. You're my Doctor, there's no giving you up now.

[ He should know - someone's died for him, and it's her. And she's the one responsible for all the lives he wasn't even sure he wanted anymore. But there isn't anything she wouldn't do for him. She wonders if she needs to send anyone after Ben. Should she message Luke? She's immediately concerned about Leia realizing because of her own thoughts, so she firmly tries to lock down her fear and think about the bird and her new sonic instead. ]

I should've known you'd find someone to tether with who gets in as much trouble as you.

[ Her hands try to be as soothing as they can, one of them lightly brushing across his forehead and over his cheeks and the other gripping one of his hands tightly. ]

[Clara's words sound muffled like he's deep underwater and he only catches a snippet of it before he slips back under the water, his own senses overtaken by Obi-Wan's. Absently he can't help but think that if he had his chip removed this wouldn't be a problem. Or less of a problem at the very least.

Clara's touch keeps him anchored though and he manages to push himself to the surface.]

He'll be fine. We'll be fine.

[He doesn't know who he's saying it to to reassure but he stubbornly tries to sit up, shoving the tether's pull aside and gaining control of his own senses until it dulls into a throbbing headache. He drags a hand down his face before looking towards Clara.] ...Sorry.

Why are you apologizing? Stop.

[ Even now, selfishly, she misses being allowed to touch him again in a familiar way but that's swallowed back as concern stays at the forefront of her mind. ]

Obi-Wan needs our help, or someone's.

Because you shouldn't have to see this. [It comes out rougher than he'd like but he can't help but feel ashamed that Clara saw him like this. This isn't how he wanted to make him not worry. For her to try and move on from him.]

Obi-Wan is fine. [He's not just saying it either. He gets flashes of the woman he had been with - Harley appearing with the scarred, very unfriendly man that was effectively the equivalent of who Missy was to him. He doesn't know how much time has passed at all, but the pain is dull and barely there if he can ignore it.] He's got people going back for him right now.

[ Whatever bricks she'd knocked down in the wall between them go back up and she pushes herself up. With the confirmation that Ben's going to be alright, she nods and goes to pick up her gift, swallowing back the unpleasant feeling in her gut. ]

You're sure you're alright? [ Her face is a calm mask, save for her eyes if he looks, the hurt has been replaced with something neutral. ]

[He wants to say no, he isn't fine. He doesn't know if he's alive or dead and if he's alive he isn't even sure he wants to keep going and regenerating. He doesn't remember who she is and can't even be certain she's the Clara that would fit the missing space in his memory but a part of him so desperately wants it to be. The white noise quiets with her there but he knows deep down that someone human loving him - anyone loving him - wasn't meant to be.

He was meant to be alone and someone else would help soothe her heart and give it the care and attention it deserved. Someone that wasn't him. For once when he looks at her there's conflict in his gaze when he looks at her. This was good. This is what she wanted, wasn't it?]

Do you want to get food? I've suddenly developed an appetite. We can test out your sonic and set the bird on a flight test.

Edited 2022-09-20 18:44 (UTC)

[ For a second she wonders what he would do if she asked him to make her memory like his, so they're on equal footing. Would it make her feel better or worse? Would he say yes or no? And if he said no, would she tell him that it feels too much like the time she was alone in the void of his timestream? Like there's an emptiness that can only be filled up by him and until then she's wandering. No leaf to guide her home, no him to jump in after her.

She doesn't ask and she doesn't say no. Instead, she nods again, shrugging a shoulder casually. If he's going to avoid talking about it then so is she. ]

Sure, I could eat. [ Clara carefully picks up the bird as well. ] Can we come back for the box? I want to keep it.

[There's a brief moment when he wonders if she'll keep pushing the issue and can't deny the relief he feels when she doesn't. Mixed in with the relief is a twinge of disappointment but he quickly buries, shutting it away so that he doesn't have to dwell on it much longer.

He leads her out towards the Xin Night Market; the noise around them allows them to not have to talk about what happens and the chatter of the market helps drown out the headache he has. He finds the stall that he'd had in mind but had yet to try; they serve something akin to sweet and sour soup with globulous balls of some kind of alien vegetable that bursts into a spicy soup.

Eventually the conversation ebbs back into something more comfortable and when their bowls are clean the Doctor runs to get two cups of cold chai. When he's back and settled, he motions for Clara to pull out her new sonic.] Ready?

[ Clara has tried to think about anything but what's happened for the sake of Leia, hoping that at the very least all that she might feel is a twinge of alarm or sadness. All through their meal, she thinks about working at the library instead, being able to get lost in books instead of in her own mind and make money at the same time.

But eventually, they get to testing out her sonic and she pulls it out of her pocket, unable to help her small but happy smile. ]

What first?

It's not a difficult piece of technology to use once you're familiar enough with the settings. [He reaches for her hand instinctively but then seems to remember and motions instead.] Find the setting for warm and then [His hands do a mock little jazz hands motion -] warm chai.

[ She sees the movement as minute as it is, and swallows back another small stab of hurt. She wonders how many stabs there will be and how many she can take before she's numb to it.

Peering at the settings for the screwdriver, Clara fiddles with it and takes much longer than he does, but finally points the sonic at the cups until steam begins to lightly waft up from the cups. Clara smiles a little. ]

That's nifty.

[He's patient as he watches her find the right settings. In fact she skims over it a couple of times and it takes him a fair amount of restraint to not reach over and show her. Instead he sits patiently until she does it, a flicker of smile appearing in his eyes.]

It can do more but just make sure you're on the right setting for things. You wouldn't want to heat up the mechanical bird instead of winding it.

[He may or may not have done something similar before.]

Blow something up did you?

[ It takes another few seconds - but not as long as last time because she's a quick learner and she's used his sonic briefly in the past - but she points the sonic at the bird and it slowly begins to wind, head raising and little wings untucking.

It makes Clara grin even brighter to see, genuinely delighted. ]

More than a couple of times.

[There's a hint of gleefulness to what he says like it's a badge of pride when no one else was hurt or involved.

The same glimmer of pleasure shows in his eyes when Clara's able to wind the bird successfully again. It preens a little bit before hovering several inches off the table before walking around and pecking listlessly at the surface.]

The bird could do more probably with some magic. [Speaking of which - ] You're Tian aligned. Have you explored your magic yet?

[ Clara looks up at him and then shakes her head a little. ]

Had other things on my mind. And honestly, I dunno what to even do with magic or what to learn, where to start.

[ She truly hasn't given it a single thought, but maybe she should. ]

[A 'like what?' is on his lips when he clues in again and he swallows it along with his cold chai. The magic topic is safe. It's far away from feelings and their rollercoaster relationship here thus far.]

You like books, don't you? Start there.

What, you mean like being able to read really quickly?

[ It's snarky, but it's their usual snark and for a second it feels good, like a fleeting warm breeze. If they can both keep their feet out of their mouths maybe it can keep up. ]

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